1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It's always the exact fare.

3. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

4. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

5. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

6. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

7. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

8. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

11. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at any time of the year.

12. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

13. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

14. If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

15. It's easy for anyone to land a plane provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

16. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

17. Word processors never display a cursor on the screen but will always say: "Enter password now."

18. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

19. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

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