1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

    2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

    3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    4. A backwards poet writes inverse.

    5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

    7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get re-possessed.

    9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

   10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

   11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

   12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

   13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

   14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

   15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

   16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

   17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

   18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

   19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

   20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

   21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

   22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

   23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

   24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

   25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

   26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

   27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

   28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

   29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

   30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

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